I'm Deaf Not Stupid.

Happy New Year Everyone! 

Long time no speak! I took a bit of a step back from Invisible Visible in November as I was knee deep in job hunting and was determined to find something ASAP! With Christmas looming round the corner, there were presents to buy, gin to drink and festivities to join in with family and friends! Anyway, I'm back, fresh into the new year, tbh I've felt pretty dog rough in the past week with a bug but hey ho, January loves to bring all those comforting delights! Who else finds January the kind of practise month before the year really does kick off? To me, January is like a maths exam. You really don't want to do it but you have to get it over with and move on, whatever the result! In the past, my maths exams ended up with retaking and becoming a random number generator once again!

Right update over! 

I thought today's post would be on something quite topical and has been in the news this past week which affects something quite personal and to be honest pretty accurate. BBC News hit our screens with a report on studies that suggest that 'Deaf People fear discrimination from employers or within the workplace'. Too right this is a fear. But what I find absurd, is that we've come into 2018 and people still judge and marginalise those who are deaf. People are not being educated half as much on disabilities which affect so many people around us. Whether you have mild or profound hearing loss, those who are deaf are treated with a different perception. That your stupid. Your thick. You aren't independent. Christ sake, just under 9 million people in the UK suffer from a certain degree of hearing loss. It is one of the most common sensory disability with 1 in 7 people living with hard of hearing. Yet it is still massively judged. 

For 19 years I have worn hearing aids, the amount of assumptions I have received whenever I have told someone I am deaf, I could make a 3 volume series of books and a film out of. 

Here are a few of the most popular assumptions I have been hit with in the past and literally looked astonished that people even conjure up with these thoughts. 

1. 'Your Stupid ie - you can't think for yourself, not independent, everything must be done at a slower pace.' - Umm have you met me?! 

2. 'Oh you must sign then'. - 110% no is the answer to this assumption. I have worn hearing aids since I was 3 and have never learnt to sign. Fair do's if you sign but I feel this marginalises you even further from society. Your putting yourself into a different category and segregate yourself from making friends and connecting. I find the concept of signing interesting but I've learnt to lip read from a young age and it has so many pro's. Especially if you are want to bitch about that person in front of you in a supermarket or bar without being noticed.

Mum and I have done it for years, dad and my brother need to catch up and learn to lip read so they don't feel left out. 

3. 'Oh your deaf, so that automatically means I have to speak more pronounced, widening my mouth and slowly talk to you in a patronising way.' - Well you can do that, but in the past with teachers I have just mimicked what they are doing with their facial expressions and said 'I am deaf, not stupid'. I am more likely to ignore you as quite a few people have agreed that it makes it harder to listen to what you are saying cause it ain't normal how your speaking. 

4. 'Oh so you must not go to noisy clubs, bars or go to gigs etc' - Yeah that's right of course, silly me! Didn't think this through, that if you are deaf you can't go and do certain things. Well sod that assumption because actually it has probably made me do it more. Why would you want to isolate yourself even more. I've still got legs, I can walk. I can talk. I'm stubborn and I am not a victim. I do everything that an average 20 something year old does. Why is lack of hearing gonna stop that. Hun, lip reading was the best invention in these situations.

Update with a story that my friend has just text me whilst reading this blog post which I can't believe I forgot about. A couple of years ago, I ventured out as a typical 18/19 year old on a Friday night with some pals to a local cheesy night club. Dancing away to some banging tunes of the 90's (hello Shakira!), I became oblivious to the fact that one of my hearing aids was hanging by a thread from my ear. Let's not get into blaming my unawareness of the situation on the 2-4-1 drinks deal which may have may have caused me to come off my rocker but anyway, the penny dropped and my hearing aid was floating about on this sticky, dark and dingy club floor (it ain't a club without this description of the floor!). This whipped me into submission and slightly brought me out of my drunken state as every sound had become like I was swimming under water. I grabbed the arm of one of my best mates and explain the situation, quickly followed by her holding one of my arms as I dived into the floor to search for the missing hearing aid. If you know me well, I always say I do not care if I lose my phone, purse or keys but God help me if I lose my hearing aid, I'll do anything to get it back. People don't wanna cross me if I can't hear. I become way too stubborn and moody cause I get frustrated I can't hear. Plus I am a nosey parker and like to know everything and anything. Anyway, two attempts and surfacing back up to my friend to tell her the bad news, I decided I would dive back into the floor on the third time lucky scenario. However, this time on my way back to resurface I was greeted by two bouncers by each side of me, explaining that if I do not stop falling over, I'll be kicked out. They hadn't realised the situation until I showed them my ears, in which they suddenly tried to clear the floor to find it. No luck. I went home empty handed with only one surviving hearing aid.

It made a good story for the morning when my mum was wondering why I wasn't responding to her questions and having to fb message the club hungover to see if they had found a hearing aid in lost property. The club has closed down in recent years but I still get flashbacks everytime I drive past it. R.I.P Thea's beloved purple hearing aid. #youareasurvivor

5. 'Oh do/did you go to a special school'. - Hell no. My rents were determined I was going to attend a bog standard mainstream school with all my friends and integrate just like everyone else. Thing is, that hair is a perfect invention so it covers up all sorts like bad hair dye jobs, piercings you haven't broken to your parents that you've done and guess what also hearing aids. In the past, I probably was ashamed of being deaf so used my hair to cover them up as I feared the judgement or different perception I would receive from individuals who didn't know me personally but instantly judged because of two little things poking out of my ears. Christ, glasses are seen perfectly fine if you struggle with sight but if your hard of hearing, you must struggle on because looks are most important than personality. Well, your gonna have a v lonely life if you only become friends with people who have nothing wrong or with a slight quirk. Because let me tell ya, most people have something that they struggle with. Lucky you, if you don't. Your rare.

6. 'Oh we will put you in the lower sets for class subjects in school'. - Oh so you assume that if I am deaf, I don't have the intellectual capacity to learn and achieve just like every other poor soul in that class. Not a chance. I remember when I had just received my A Level Results which would decide which uni I would go to in the following few weeks, I had a weird encounter with my head of sixth form. I had applied to one of the top 10 universities in the country as my first choice followed by 4 other choices which didn't have as much prestige. I set my heart on getting the grades for my first choice. Thankfully, all the hard work paid off and I bagged that place on my degree course. However, throughout sixth form, I was repeatedly put down by teachers and staff that I might not get to go as my hearing might let me down in exams or retaining information. Obviously,that really grinded my gears and made me even more determined to prove them wrong.  Why would a written paper in a quite room be affected by my hearing. Oh sod off. So when it came to results day, I got my results and celebrated. The week later, my brother got his GCSE results. My head of sixth form was at the results desk, saw my mum and swanned over to ask how I got on the previous week. My mum said that I had got into my university which led to my teacher to pipe up and assumed I got into the metropolitan version of the uni in this city. The convo ended with mum telling the teacher that no it was the russell group university and that I worked my bloody socks off to get there and why else wouldn't have I been able to go. Shock was spread across my head of sixth form's face and since then has always been respectful of me since. Silly cow. 

You know what they say, Karma comes back round and can bite ya on the bum. 

To round this post up, I am trying to say that in the past and still sometimes now, I refrain from telling people I am deaf as I hate dealing with the assumptions and judgement, especially when it affects so many people. I still only tell people if it's a health concern ie at the hospital or if they need to know in the workplace for health and safety reasons. In the past at school, some teachers have only found out from someone else or if I have told them before I have left through sense of humour. It would only come out through a joke, for instance if it noisy in the classroom or if someone is arguing i'll just pop out with 'Well don't worry, I'll just turn off my hearing aids'. That seems to distract some judging from people, however it shouldn't be like this in this day and age. You shouldn't have to jokingly admit you struggle with a disability. You should feel comfortable enough to admit it through an average conversation and not to be seen as a big deal.

I still can't get my head around that hard of hearing can rack up so much judgement and assume a different perception of the person, but other disabilities like loss of sight have less of a judgement attached to it. If it was me, schools and workplaces need more education and workshops on hard of hearing and the basic fact is that yes you struggle with hearing but you aren't a victim. You are not stupid or thick, you don't need to be patronised and you are just like every other soul but you just have a slight quirk. 

Last of all, I just find it sad that this is still a taboo. Why can't we all just be merry, have catch up with friends, go out and just have a cracking time instead of worrying about appearances and vain perceptions. Ask questions, be curious but let's not shame people and appear to be bitter and twisted. It ain't a good look hun.

Thanks for tuning in. Speak soon. 

Love,

T

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