You look fine, so stop complaining
The amount of times I have heard this and haven't placed a bet on the type of person who has said so and so. I could pack in my job and just live of the consistent income that babbles out of some people's mouths. To be fair, they have mugged me off at my own game. But all of this shit comes with the hidden disability package. It is a free contribution and sometimes does not come with a pre- filter.
Now if you know me, you'll know that the funny thing is that when I complain, this signals alarm bells ringing and shut that front door cause that is when you know I am in pain. I hate showing weakness, I am too stubborn for it. I hate being an absolute drainer. Also to be fair, I get use to the pain. It is a norm. Now this don't mean crack out the small violins on me but it is true. If you suffer from something long enough, the sad reality is that you do start to not notice it. You get use to it. The problem with this is that you start to struggle with actually asking for help when you need it. Leading to a catalyst brewing, as you wait and wait till the pain reaches to boiling point before it bursts and everything pours out. In this case, you have to start looking at more extreme treatment/preventative options rather than just popping down to your local pharmacy, handing over that solid 25p you had floating at the bottom of your bag for a packet of ibuprofen and happy days. No, don't be silly that would be far too easy and simple. Kids, don't become stubborn and feisty, it does have it negative elements sometimes. Useful but frustrating.
I hate being a burden on people. Like I said, being feisty and stubborn and a miss little independent all rolled into one has it perks. Got to give it it's dues, I probably wouldn't be here today, let's be frank. But it does present a downside that I will not just give in at the first sign of trouble. Especially when it comes to health. I hate being seen as weak or not able. I hate having to rely on people for help. I hate not being able to join in sometimes or keep up with people's stamina or general health. But I can't change much of that. You do you and all that. I would much rather prove myself and burn myself out then just sit idly by and watch people take over. Competitive, much?!
So when people say 'you look fine, so stop complaining'. Do you think this helps? Do you think that by saying this it will solve all my health dilemmas, all the thoughts or things I do to stop feeling crap when I do have a dip in health. Do you really think I get a kick out of all this? By saying 'you look fine' can trigger so much from just 3 words. Do you not think that I am trying to do exactly that? Appear absolutely fine when I might be just floating above water to make myself believe I am fine sometimes. To not appear like I am struggling physically to keep up. To not feel like I am letting something dictate how I am or adapt my life to conform to the condition. Why let something define you when there is so much more that can help mould and define you as a person. Sod a condition. But at some point, I do need to acknowledge and accept that having a hidden disability is nothing to be ashamed about. That having a hidden disability shouldn't
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| Throwback to circa 2k16 |
From a rant I took to Instagram a few days ago:
"All bodies come in different shapes and sizes. This is starting to become the norm through breaking stigma on social media platforms and people slowly starting to speak up and out. Well why can't the same happen for hidden disabilities? The stigma to finally be twisted and snapped in half. Hidden disabilities come in all shapes and sizes. Some more rare than others. Some which barely have any research on to hold itself on two feet. What one person suffers with, the other person struggles with an entirely different symptom. It doesn't mean you favour one over the other. People say slam bigger people and congratulate thinness but you shouldn't be slamming or congratulating any size or shape. It is hurtful and can harm a person's health and well-being. It is the exact same for disabilities.
No one should be slamming someone for saying they are in a lot of back pain and for you to say your fine and ignore it and no one should be congratulating when someone says well today I've managed to not do those exercises to help me cause I feel okay so I shouldn't be wasting my time. Everyone needs to support a person with a hidden disability/ies. Also quite frankly, it is patronising. There I've said it. Carrying on from that, minimising a person's struggle with their health could potentially damage their own health and well-being. Also, it ain't gonna make it disappear. It will knock their confidence meaning they might not go turn up to that certain hospital appointment out of fear that they may start to believe that flying comment.
Just take a minute when you see someone walking past who might look tip top on the outside but they may be struggling with pain, tiredness, things not doing what they should be doing inside their body on the regs. However, a facade is easier to put on then being honest about the pain or struggles they are hiding and living with. It saves a lot of hassle and judgement majority of the time but it should not be like this. Let's just try and support one another, in the long run it'll save a lot of stress and pressure to be someone your not."
In simple terms, just think twice before blurting out your own opinions which may taint a person's perspective of themselves and general well-being. Also props to them, as majority of the time they are trying so hard to keep their shit together. It is all about baby steps, for the person with the opinion at the end of their tongue and for the person who has a hidden disability. If you can't handle the response to your so called helpful "question"i.e unhelpful comment, then don't say it. Simple as. People will feel less hurt and at the end of the day, was it really worth saying?! Most of the time, no.
Hope you have all had a nice weekend and not become drowned rats by the typical British weather. Classic.
Love,
T
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