TALKING

T A L K I N G.

(It's a sensitive subject!)

So I am all for a good ol' natter, a gossip or a social let's go to the pub for a pint and a chit chat but when do we get chance to properly sit down and talk about our feelings. I would say for most people, only really get to the nitty gritty details of their feelings when they have drowned their sorrows in a bottle of wine, when everything starts to pour out all blubby and emosh over the dance floor or resting your head on your best pal's shoulder at the end of the night in the smoking area. It's becomes more like word vomit rather than processing your thoughts with an added thrown in opinion from your friend. Let's be honest at this stage its the wine talking, not you.

I would say I am certainly shit at talking about my feelings and tend to bottle everything up until it becomes a burning catalyst and then I just burst into a teary mess. Winner, winner. But I also think that social media plays a part with emotions. We are all meant to appear to have a good time, a laugh and always be happy. Yes that happens for the most part, but what about that shit day where your head is fuzzy and don't feel entirely yourself. You may need a rant, a giggle or just a bit of alone time but talking is a great healer (it's cheesy to hear but it's true!). 

Talking  is good for the soul. it adds perspective and makes you feel less anxious, calmer. Yes you could say that a large g&t is the perfect solution. It makes you feel less anxious and calmer and doesn't talk back but remember alcohol is a depressant. So make a date with your pal, sit down and really talk, and I mean talk. But actually to get onto a deeper level. I feel nowadays we talk about all the superficial things like omg i did a really funny thing and left the microwave running for 4 mins without cooking my lunch at work the other day (I actually did this!) or omg why did I kiss that guy in a random club just to con a free drink out of him. Yes it will seem like a barrel of laughs in that instance but will you remember that funny story 5 years down the line. If it's coincided with a boozy night down the local, I guarantee it won't be one to remember but just a ruddy good laugh of a night. Whereas, a deep meaningful convo will last a lifetime. You don't by any means have to expose every last inch of yourself but just to chat about what your feeling, whether your on top of the world or feeling damn right shit. 

Another point is that real talking may only develop with a pal that you have built a bit of history on and feel able to trust and won't feel the need to plaster your news or background for the world to see. I get that talking on a deeper level takes trust and guts, especially now that social media is a stalking frenzy to know every tom, dick and harry. But allow yourself to trust and let people in. Honestly, most people you come across, you gravitate towards because they have a similarity to you and if they don't give them a wide berth. Simples!

Due to social media consuming our lives 24/7, we forget we are actually humans who need IRL interaction. and for some, forget how to communicate. For me this may be a cause for why people have so many misconceptions about people and start to judge and that's because they have little understanding of another person's situation because they haven't had the chance to have a chat, ask questions and get to know each other that little bit more. A bit more personal. Even if you have known the person for 3 months or your whole lifetime, you can always learn new things about them, quirks an all. Not just, omg did you like my insta post of my lunch I put up?. It will make your friendship or family connection stronger, trust me. 

Talking is one of many ways that can be used to help break the stigma of invisible disabilities. By talking it generates debate, allows people to gain an insight and more of an understanding of why a person with invisible condition may struggle to make every social event set in the diary and to feel less like it is a personal attack if they bail out occasionally.  Also I think people have a fear of real talking as it is exposing them, showing a more vulnerable side to them which maybe quite well camouflaged under a facade but talking helps reduce judgement, misconceptions of a person and hurt. 

If your so called 'friend' or 'family member' struggles with the idea of talking and prefers the judging look then maybe you have to question whether they really are worth investing your time in. Real talking is a bit of an art and can be a tad awkward to begin with, espesh if it is not teamed up with a glass of vino or two but it's worth it in the long run. Ain't nobody got time for someone who doesn't really give two flying shits with you and is more bothered about their social status and upkeep. This kind of friendship or connection will never last so invest your time in talking and building a rapport with people who matter the most to you. The people who pick you up, have a giggle, get you for being you and will fight battles alongside you, not against you. It has to be a mutual thing for talking to work and to delve in deeper. The hardcore stuff. Your bricks and mortar. Find your tonic to match your gin. 

Have you managed the art of 'real' talk or is it easier to just do small talk via your insta feed?

Love,

T

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