#1 Update - Ain't nobody got time for 'pissing' about!

So you'll never guess what, I went to the hospital today (Wednesday 8th Nov, for some context!). Shut the front door I hear you say, really?! Well actually in fairness I haven't actually been to a hospital for about 5 weeks so actually it was a cute lil one on one day out if you could call it that! Especially at this one as it was at a hospital I don't get much insight in! I like to make light of all hospital situations, easier to handle! As hospitals go, this one is a massive fuck off one with an all inclusive attached to it (i.e a nice place for inpatients to stay in!) 

Anyway I toddled off to this hospital appointment at the crack of dawn (8.25 app to be precised, jesus Christ even the dog next door ain't even up and had his breakfast!) all ready to be poked and prodded for a couple of hours! This hospital app was a slight change from the usual let's look at you like a specimen doctors that I have a connection with as this was a brand spanking new clinic I had been referred to weeks ago. Well least it is keeping me off the streets! But anyway, they had their duty to poke and prod, take blood, press a few buttons on an x ray machine and take a gander at the 24 hour pee sample I produced lovingly for them! Ain't I got a heart of gold! Actually I had quite a sentimental goodbye to the immense 24 hours I had with that 1000ml pee sample bottle! My die hard pal, my rock, my gin to my tonic (which is probably making up 20% of the sample!). I had to find some way of producing enough for a reliable sample so actually it was in my duty to have that cheeky midweek G&T! I felt like a proud parent, the loyalty I had to it over the period of 24 hours! I was a bit precious about handing it over to a new owner (starting to sound a little mad now!) To be honest at the end of the day it is rank talking about quite frankly your own  piss but gotta romanticise things sometimes to make ya day that bit more exciting! Especially if your sat bored shitless for over 2 hours in a hospital waiting room! Ain't nobody got time for pissing about (pun intended, work with me here!)

So after all that excitment, I was plonked inside a waiting room! Most people look like they are on their way out! For context I was meeting a new doc to add to my many referrals to different wards I've had since the day of my birth. Like I've said previously why have one when you can have them all. So this exciting new ward was the metabolic bone ward for all things slightly dodgy with ya bones. For mine, it is the mega and ever growing thickening to them. This is a heads up and apology to anyone I might have bumped heads with when we were kids and I nearly broke ya skull in the school playground or park, blame my thick bones. Just think of the saying 'what doesn't break ya, makes ya stronger'. So back to the 'on your way out' chat I was having, most people who have been referred to this clinic seemed to be old, frail and genuinely looking like they are about keel over any sec now. I was definitely the youngest by 60 years old! 

For once in my only 21 years of existence, I was actually whisked into the investigation appointment 10 minutes earlier than my original appointment time. I felt faint just at the shock of it but wait there is more. 20 minutes after my spine and hip scans and x-rays and a few um's and ah's, the x-ray technician woke up and was like 'oh I see your a rare case, would you possibly be keen to be involved in this new metabolic bone study we are conducting at the mo?'. Seriously for the amount of times I have been asked to be involved in a research study or is it possible for this student doctor or nurse to be able to earwig on your chat with your consultant, I would be earning the dollar and currently typing this on my private jet flying me to my 5* penthouse in the Caribbean. Reluctantly I gave her the go ahead.

 Now what happened after this, I was not warned just quite the quantity that first my actual investigation tests wanted to draw out of me and the amount the research study were keen on having. Only did I discover this halfway through the giving blood when I decided to do a little fainting act. Keeping up your reputation there Thea! What made me laugh was the nurse still continued to fill up the 8 tubes full of blood whilst I'm there just mid fainting! You do you hun! Anyway, think my whole fainting act was down to the anticipation. My god, I am not scared of needles, blood, operations, cannula's, all that hospital shebang, I've been there and got the blooming t-shirt years ago! I think it was due to the fact and bless her cotton socks but the nurse was faffing her way to find a vein! I did pre warn her that you show my veins a needle and it's bye bye, i'm on the first plane out of here! But she found one and did her job! Think it was all down to the pent up excitement of a new clinic (please detect the sarcasm!). 

After I decided to come back into the room, I was armed with a mug of coffee and a couple of slices of toast from the cute nurse! Bless their cotton socks, they are working to the ground and they still have time to make you a cuppa coffee! I did have to laugh though when the blood pressure machine red alerted and beeped constantly saying that I had very very low blood pressure. The nurses were super confused whilst I'm sat there thinking well I ain't half surprised, Jesus Christ I've just been drained 8 times over for my blood and 4 of those tubes weren't even for the actual appointment! But anyway, once I regained some energy and had a few bants with the nurses including this corker 'were you attempting to drain the ginger out of me!'. This must have been said I was drifting into a fainting episode as the nurse had to remind me of what I said after haha!

So now it is a waiting game for the results but I want to dedicate this post to the incredible NHS! If you live in the UK, you should always appreciate how amazing the service is and none of us should take it for granted! Christ, my family would be bankrupt by now with the amount of hospital related things we've been through if we lived in another country. Let's just say, my family is certainly not the definition of health! They are so caring, kind and supportive. It's the little pick me ups of a coffee and toast when you've fainted that make you realise that they want the best for you and make sure your needs are met. I know this is part of their job but they treat you like a human being and not just some kind of specimen. The NHS is running to the ground, you can see it when you step inside a UK hospital! They are overrun, underpaid and limited to resources but they still do an incredible job saving lives day in and day out! I for one will never be able to thank the NHS for what they have done over the years! They have saved my life numerous amounts of times since I was born and other family members! So this is a big thank you to all the doctors, nurses, receptionists and so on (even the your a human specimen doctors!), we all appreciate what you do!

Love,

T

x

P.s sorry for the sarky nature of this post but hope you get the jist of the situation!