The fear of hospitals.

Now who can confidentially put their hand up and say that they really enjoy spending their morning, afternoon or whole days sometimes stuck in a sweaty, grim, beeping central hospital waiting room full of doom and gloom in anticipation that once you do make it to the finishing line and get seen by your consultant, doc or nurse, a blood test or an X-ray seems exciting just so you don't have to stare at the peeled grey walls, blind your retinas by the fluorescent petrol station lighting and read those posters hanging by a thread of blu-tac on a board which say 'so how long do you have to live?' which glare right at ya in the waiting room for another 40 mins.

But I can confidentially say that I've had my fair share of sitting bored witless in hospital waiting rooms for endless appointments, scans, operations, blood tests, days of poking and prodding since I was fresh out the womb. Literally. I mean, why wait when you can get a head start from day one. 

I wanted to write this post as it seems apparent that whenever I have a convo with family, pals, strangers on trains, strangers in hospital waiting rooms, everyone seems to have a story concerning their fear with hospitals. Whether you visit the hospital on the regs or if your a newbie to the whole hospital visits thing, it is still a fear. Here a few tips I've deffo learnt over the years to cope with hospitals and all the baggage they drag with them. 

#1 Write off everything in your diary for that day

Now I blooming love the NHS. I mean Christ they literally have saved my life on multiple occasions. It's a blessing that we live in the UK, cause I would have single handily bankrupt the entire family with the amount of operations, appointments, repeat prescriptions I have been put through. Got to look on the bright side, least I can say that having a rare bone condition has led me to be in published medical documents, papers and books written by docs to help future medical students who are training and struggle to find traces of research online due to the rarity. Always love whipping out how many people have this condition as their faces drop and rapidly grab a pen and paper to jot down how you spell the condition before tapping it into a Google search only to find a handful of pages. 

Anyway going off on a bit of a tangent, once that stamped 1st class rectangle shaped letter from the hospital confirming your date and time that you need to get your shit together and head for the hospital, I would consider what you decide to do with your day. It is a bit of an art form. Firstly, if you have an appointment at the crack of dawn ie 9am, expect that you'll leave the hospital around 11ish. But least with these, you can get on with the rest of your day without the worry of cancelling your better off plans. It gets a wee trickier as you get later on into the day. If you have an appointment, let's say around 1pm or later, I would wipe and eradicate all your to-do lists, events, meetings etc out of your diary asap. Say your goodbyes to that coffee and doughnut date with your best pal or that afternoon leisure around your fave ZARA store. Put it all on hold cause I bet your bottom dollar, you ain't gonna be leaving the hospital confines until the v latest 5ish. The reason normally for this is that once you hit the 11am mark, there has been enough hospital appointments which drag on for more than there allotted time, meaning that all the other appointments will be backed up by this delay causing your 1pm appointment to be rapidly heading towards a 2.30-3ish one. Not gonna get too political, but one of the sole reasons for this is that the NHS is getting run to the v ground. It's on it's back burner with short staff, limited resources and is being run by the government who let's be honest has no fucking clue the sheer amount of work that goes into running the NHS and feels the only way to save the NHS is by dishing out pretty hefty cuts. Good one. It don't rub well on me girl. 

If I was to give you one piece of advice about this topic would be to be tactical when you plan your appointments. I know as soon as you see the letter fly through your letter box, you wanna shut down all systems and go into a sense of denial reading that you are now at the top of the waiting list and can now call to book an appointment. To avoid the regret of getting bogged with a late timed appointment, calling as soon as you glance at the envelope means you stand a better chance of getting an app time which is not soul destroying. Also another tip, don't do the whole 'any time is fine' when you hear the department receptionist muffled voice down the other end of the phone as more likely than not when you hear the receptionist go dead quiet and are scrolling on their shitty dimed 2002 Dell computer screens, you'll know that you'll be dealt with the shittiest timed appointment and will just have to lump it as all the other times were gone months ago. Be smart thinking.

#2 Think Of The Worst And Hope For The Best

When I used to be dragged to hospital appointments when I was younger, my mum always use to say this quote whenever I turned into a selective mute as she knew that hospitals were always my fear. I had a good reason for this as normally 9 times out of 10, whenever I went to an hospital appointment when I was younger, it always ended up with me either being poked and prodded with needles, bad news was always shoved in my face or I was about to undergo an operation. As I've got older I recognised that my fear was that I associated hospitals with pain and being 'hurt', also abandonment as there were times where my parents weren't always able to stay on nights or I was taken to other wards, operations, or being 'hurt' by needles etc all of a sudden and had no one that I recognised that I could cling on to. It's taken time to accept that realisation along with the help of talking to family and a bit of therapy. Also to point out, it was no one's fault, it was just the way things panned out. 

This quote was said on the regs when I was younger and I never quite believed it until I got older. Whereas now, I'lll drill this mantra into my head before I chip into a hospital app that I have been dreading over for a few days. It is a cheesy one but it does help. By training your mind set to think that something is gonna end up in a shithole is so much better and more of a relief when the news turns out to be miniscule in comparison. You'll feel worse off if you waltz in there, thinking everything is hunky dorey and then you get the shock of your life when you get told something you weren't aware of or even considered. Yes you should think positively but you got to also think realistically. Things always seem a lot better and lighter once you exit those swiveling doors at the hospital reception if you went in saying a little prayer to yourself and thinking shit was about to hit the fan. 

#3 Distractions 

If you struggle to zone out and find yourself clock watching as soon as you stroll into the clinic, then distractions may be a solution. In the past I've tried out a whole handful of distraction techniques. From taking magazines, music, a fave book etc but the one thing that I find the best to distract myself from overthinking or reliving trauma is taking a close pal or family member. Just by talking absolute shite can keep you from thinking that everything is about to go to pot and you begin to question everything and feeling your gonna have to rebuild your life from scratch. I know it's a tad over dramatic but sometimes your fears can become overwhelming. Also, if you know your going in for an important appointment or for results you ain't keen on receiving, having another ear to listen to the advice and information is essential if you see yourself drifting out of the convo due to sheer shock or not understanding all the medical jargon and terminology bollocks. Your pal or family member can give you a bit of perspective and you don't feel like you have to battle it all on your own. I know in the past, due to me putting on my stubborn attitude, I have lumped anyone coming in with me to consultations or appointments and then regretted it later when I've forgotten to ask certain questions or not fully understanding what was really going on. Even if they sit behind you, pals or family should have your back whatever the situation turns out to be. Trust your instinct. It's better your in control then letting something or someone else dictating how you cope in hospitals. Believe me.

#4 Have Something To Look Forward To Afterwards 

Ever since I was a wee one, if I had to lump it and have an operation or a procedure I was not keen on having, I use to be told to look forward to something afterwards that I wanted to do. Truth be told, it was my mum and dad's way of bribing me to do said operation or procedure. Whether it was to go to a particular place i.e. when I had a major op when I was 8, I was obsessed with the show Balamory and so that is exactly what we did. Months after recovery, we chipped up to Tobermory, Scotland where Balamory was filmed and honestly this trip kept the family and myself sane through the tough months of going through the operation and post op recovery as I always had something to look forward to. For other operations, I asked for a Baby Annabelle and even to this day, I can remember feeling high as a kite on a whole pharmacy of drugs in the recovery room straight after an op and being presented a Baby Annabelle by my Dad. Sometimes having something to look forward to or as a bribe to help undergo something which is potentially traumatising makes the experience a lot better and gives you something to work towards. It gives you the strength to carry on, especially when you aren't in the right head space and you have doctors chatting all kinds of shit at you and all you wanna do is pour yourself a large one and dip your head into a cheese fondue whilst having a goss with your pals in the sun.

As I've got older, the bribing technique has obvs calmed down quite drastically but even now, if I have to drag myself to an appointment I am not exactly pumped about, I'll still treat myself by popping to my fave coffee shop afterwards or get those 12 quid shoes I've been drooling over in Primarni. It's the little things but Christ you should treat yourself every so often, otherwise what's the point in solely working if it isn't without treats to get ya by. Props to those who can master the art of saving your whole pay packet until the next one. You do you. 

All of this is just advice I've been given and learnt to adapt over the years to cope with my own personal fear of hospitals. Some things work for some people and others have other coping mechanisms to be able to zone out and get shit done. Whatever works for you and floats ya boat. What I do wanna say is I will always have big love for the NHS. I can never thank them enough for all the resources, funds and time they give to each and every one of their patients. You do us all proud, even when the system is being grinded right to the bottom of a ditch, you still do the v best for us all. Love ya long time. 

What are your coping mechanisms for tackling hospital fears?

Speak soon,

Love,

T

x

love the nhs.