The Art of Opening Up.

Just a heads up, it is v quote heavy this post. Enjoy.

Now let's clear up one thing straight up, I am 100% not saying lay out all your problems, vulnerabilities and telling your life story with all the dramatics thrown in for good measure to anyone you lay sight on. Ain't nobody got time for borderline stalkers. This also includes people who love a good shouty moan down the phone on the bus and have the audacity to say 'can you hear me?', hate to break it to ya pal but the whole bus have now become one of the family. I know more about your life more than I know about mine. You've got ya shit together gal. Call it a surrogate family. Have fun having a uninvited roomie rock up to ya hotel room in the middle of Greece because you couldn't keep ya gob shut on the number 88 heading to the local Odeon in town. Give me strength. I'm not saying I am the best at this either, I'm still learning how to open up to people slowly without cracking out the small violins which are all over the shop on shows like the X Factor when someone whips out a sob story. Nah, hun. 

No, what I am really trying to say is being able to find a balance where you allow a select few, your day one's in to really understand what is going on in your noggin, your life etc. If you let people in, more than likely they tend to be genuinely interested and will stick around. Yeah in some situations and hierarchical bollocks, people might be nosey just cause it's a bit of goss and they latch and feed off anything negative or when shit is hitting the fan. And to those people, I spell out the delicate word FUCK OFF. You do not need that kind of negative energy about.  You know my name not my story. End of. 

A plus of talking out loud to a close pal, family etc is that it provides a safe space for everyone to lay out their issues, situation and problems. It balances out any confusion as to why your friend may think you are ignoring them or are not quite yourself when you are around each other. Why you may look distracted by your thoughts, your in the room as a body but your not all there. Also once you start to slowly open up, your friendship, relationship, bond let's call it will start to grow and develop. It moves you on to the next level of your connection. You start to chip away at the different layers you both bring or if it is a group of ya you start to form an idea that you aren't in this alone. Vulnerability is the only bridge to build connection. Most people are struggling with some shit and it's perfectly normal. Not gonna lie, when I see someone so happy and nothing is ever wrong, that's when I worry more. The fact they are hiding behind something, someone. It comes across as disingenuous and insincere. This happy-go-lucky person who feels the fear so much that they are afraid to let down the barrier. Scared to open up to their vulnerability. Once you get over the first hurdle, the rest is piss easy. More than not, your gonna have a pal, family member who is totes understanding and even if they do not fully understand the situation since they may not have been through the same bollocks you have, it's just nice to have someone who is there to listen. Not to give advice, just listen. 

Now I know the art of opening up has to be built on something. That something has to be on trust. A trust to feel comfortable and at ease to confide in the other. Not to feel like the other is gonna use it against you, not to feel like there is a hidden agenda. It is the ability to genuinely care and want to support their needs. Not necessarily fix or help but support. It is a test between friendships, relationships etc as you do not want both sides to crash and burn. It is easier to say than do, especially if it is a new bond. When you have built up history between ya pal/significant other and yourself, it is less complicated when it comes to dishing out your troubles. Since you probably have a good sense/gist of how the other person is acting, reacting to certain situations and problems. However, it is something that needs to be out in the open in a new friendship, relationship, a hurdle that needs to be addressed, that is when fear can set in. The fear that they will be quick to judge. Fear that they will up and leave. Fear of how they will cope if the reaction is dog's bollocks. After that, the emotions will sway in. Feelings of resentment, shame, judgment etc. What feels like a brutal backhand to the face. It is hard to not let it get to you. Feeling that everything has gone to pot, caved in and your gonna have to rebuild ya life back up from scratch. Your perspective has caught the last bus out of town and swerved in the opposite direction.  But do not throw the towel in. That means you have let them win. And that is exactly what they want. Pick yourself back up and move on to the next. 

You do you.

Cheers Pinterest.

At the end of the day, it is down to your own intuition. Your ability to gage whether it is worth telling the other or whether it'll end in a car crash. It all hangs on what do you want from the situation, the chat and preparing yourself for the reaction. I always say think of the worse and hope for the best. Then you ain't setting yourself up. Also to quickly note, would you really wanna be close to someone who, let's be honest doesn't give two shits about ya. Someone who feels the need to manipulate and shit stir to boost their own self worth. The immaturity. The need for acceptance, using someone's else struggles to help them along their way. The person who thinks the sun shines out of their arse but in reality their confidence and self worth is shattered. It is sad really. That people feed off other people problems for their own personal gain. But sorry hun, here's a piece of advice, it ain't all about you and it is nothing to boast about. You have to think that toxic people like this tend to either be repeating history or they don't have many close pals, relationships with people who actually give a shit about them and will listen. Probably because people have a good sense of judgement and have given them a wide berth. So there you have it. 

Long and short of it, don't rush into dishing out your problems to everyone and anyone. Rely on your instinct and intuition. If you feel comfortable and at ease/built enough trust with someone/a group of ya best pals etc then go for it. Start slowly to allow people to listen. Ask questions. Do not force any discussion. Do not force advice. Just being present is enough. The rest will flow naturally. And growth will follow. 

Pinterest beauty.

Love,

T

xx